DouG vs. The Ants

 

Ants love sweets.  Pictured above is a typical breakfast for me, so adaptation may not be as difficult as previously anticipated, seeing how we both have similar eating habits.

 I am having somewhat of an ant infestation problem here at my house.  They have come in great numbers to consume any left over morsels of my food, and like I have mentioned before, I don't like sharing.  The only place they refuse to go, is on my computer (could be cuz I have it configured with 'Raid'....sorry, bad pun).  Immediately after I realized that the ants were making themselves welcome in my house, I drove down to Wally World to obtain a few ant traps that claim to 'kill the queen and the colony'.  I have attempted to use the same style of approach years past, but to no avail.  It turns out that the ants that visit my place of dwelling are the greediest, most self absorbent ants on the face of the earth.  They find the food, and instead of taking it back to the colony, they find a nice dark place to hide and consume their pillage all by their lonesome.  As the ants feasted upon the box of cookies that I had stashed away in my room (out of my roommate's leering sight), I realized that it is truly I to blame for being such a bad role model to these poor ants.  They see me hiding in my room, hording all kinds of delicious food (primarily sweets), and they are taking after my own example.  So there is really only one obvious solution.  I must learn the language of the ants, follow them around, adapt to their way of life, and eventually, through years of bonding and devotion, earn their trust by becoming 'one of them'.  I will be somewhat of the 'Jane Goodall of the Ant Kingdom'.  Once I have succeeding in doing so, they will foolishly lead me to where they are hiding all my leftover food, and I can TAKE IT BACK!!!  It's either that, or fork out the extra 68¢ to buy the name brand ant traps (the ones that presumably actually work), but I don't know if that is a sacrifice that I am willing to take.