I have decided that I want to become a redneck,  not because I like country music or my sister (no offense Deanna).  My intentions are actually pure.  Basically, the reason I want to be a redneck or more aimed at the lower expectations of such.  For example, here's an example conversation of me as a normal human, and then me as a redneck:

 

NOW

Neighbor: "Hey, Doug, why is your snow shovel still out, it's...JULY?!?!"

DouG: "Oh, I just haven't brought it in yet."

Neighbor: "You're a lazy jerk."

 

As a Redneck

Neighbor: "Hey, Doug, why is your snow shovel still out, it's...JULY?!?!"

DouG: "Oh, well, um, I'm a redneck."

Neighbor: "Ok, that makes sense.  It's to be expected then."

 

SEE!! How awesome was that?!?!  I think it would be a lot less maintenance to be a redneck, so that is why I am leaning toward that route.  My main deterrent from becoming a redneck?  Tight blue jeans!!  I don't own any, and I really would rather live the rest of my life NOT knowing how I would look in a tight pair of wranglers.  You have known me for awhile, and most of my clothes are somewhat baggy (I even wear my watch a little loose).  I figure, the more I leave to the imagination, the better off I am.  Hopefully people's imaginations will be more forgiving than genetics (no offense to my family).